THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT BEING SHY

Wednesday, 8 June 2016




Yeeeees! Finally, my blog is ready. (after a long break) You don't know how glad I am that you are here. Thank you for visiting. I hope every post you read sparks something inside of you that makes you do more, achieve more and enjoy life to the fullest.

 
Today's post is dedicated to every shy person, I was once like you, but I'm getting better.

I remember when I thought it was cool to say ‘I am shy’ and felt it was good enough reason to crawl back into my shell and remain there for as long as I wanted. If I got the opportunity to give my opinion amongst a group of people I always found it so easy to declare that I had nothing to say. This gave me a name that I was not. It made me live the life of another person. Looking back, I am a little ashamed of myself. 


Why did I think being shy was so fashionable everyone needed to hear it? One of my most painful memories was in SS2. There was an opportunity for students in Secondary School to attend the Future Awards and form a panel that would proffer solutions to the dying educational system (I still think the educational system has serious problems, but that’s story for another day). 

I was excited. Debating was something I had loved since childhood (even though I allowed my shyness get the better part of me). I knew I was going to be one of the speakers. I had to be. After all I knew in my heart that I could debate better than most people I had listened to in school. 

To my complete disappointment, I was picked to go for the event, but was specifically told not to speak. According to my teacher ‘You’re too shy, you won’t be able to handle it.’ ‘But Sir I have already started writing my points down.’  Right there he collected the paper I showed him and gave it to the chief speaker from our school. 

Years later, I understood that shyness is a thief. It steals the experience that opportunity could have given you. Whenever you declare boldly that you are shy as if it’s a new way of being humble, you are closing the door to achieving purpose. I doubt you will find shy achievers because success requires coming out of your comfort zone
I strongly believe that behind all forms of shyness is fear... The fear of becoming vulnerable, saying something stupid, or being laughed at.  So we prefer to hide for as long as we can. 


Trust me, I know how it feels when there is this cool opportunity to share your thoughts or experiences with people, you have ideas of what to say circling in your head but the thought if having the whole room quiet while you speak is intimidating, most times my heart starts pounding so fast. My legs shake, my stomach gets so uncomfortable, I sometimes have to use the toilet. It’s like my entire being has concluded that the worst would happen if I speak. But instead of allowing all these to paralyse me, I make the effort to still speak. It always feels like a huge load has been taken off my shoulders. I suggest that you do the same. 

While you are speaking, imagine that you are talking to your closest friends and be yourself. Easier said than done but it is possible. Remember that no one is perfect and it is okay to make mistakes. You will get better with every new opportunity.  

One thing I am still doing is PRACTICE. I go for events and seminars but find it difficult to ‘network’ I just don’t know what to say to a total stranger. So I started practising. I would stand in front of a mirror, smile, and go over a line of conversation. This may sound hilarious but it helps me know I don’t look weird when I am talking, and gives me an idea of the kind of things to say.

I understand that some people are more extrovertish than others... they always have an opinion! Some of us on the other hand are melancholics. We would rather stay quiet. BUT! Your temperament shouldn’t be an excuse. When there is an opportunity to share please do.  

When next you get an opportunity to speak whether it is to one person, five people or twenty, don’t over think it. Breathe and focus on the moment. Give it your best shot and please stop labeling yourself as shy, there is nothing cool about it. 

Are you shy? What are you doing to get over it? I would love to hear from you.

Oloriadedotun!

12 comments:

  1. Nice article, I really think you talking about it, am so shy to the point I keep everything to myself, I will be like I have nothing to say or no one wants to listen to me

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    1. Thank you for reading. I totally understand you. I think you should practice some of the ideas in this post and see if it helps you overcome shyness gradually. I would love to know how much progress you are making.

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  2. :) Hello Adedotun... I stumbled upon your blog through Mrs Funto's Instagram page and I've been so blessed. I loved reading this particular blogpost because for a very long time, ive been that shy person. Things are definitely changing now and im totally looking forward to practicing in front of the mirror :). Thank you so much for stepping out. Oh and I can't wait to be at becoming 2.0.

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    1. Yaaaay! I'm glad you found me in my little corner. Thank you for reading this. Let me know how the practicing goes. See you at Becoming dear!

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  3. Thank you...me I am shy too oh...very shy and it is killing my job....I work in a development sector and u always have to talk!!! I joined toastmaster international for this same reasonbut just attended once....will see if I can make my visit more often. Bdw, this becoming event, when is it coming to abuja????

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    1. Awwww Abby.I understand when you say it's killing your job. I think you should do more to overcome it. I don't know when Becoming will be in Abuja, but I will tell the convener about your request. Would be glad to hear that you're not so shy anymore very soon. Lots of Love!

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  4. Nice Post...I totally relate..used to be very shy,quiet and all, but I am almost over it. I always think what's the worst that can happen and that helps.

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    1. Yaaaaay! I'm glad you're almost over it dear.

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  5. Hi Dotun I came across your blog through Eziahas' today and am really grateful to God for leading me here. I've read a few posts and it's really weird cz it's as though ur chronicling all my challenges. I read the post about the kind of women who need to attend "becoming" n I was shocked to find out that the first four points was me in an unadulterated form. Hmmm too bad am just seeing this today which is already too late for me to register, only God knows how much I need this n n how long I have waited for something like this. I just believe that this event is going to be impactful n life changing buh its all good, God will make a way. About being shy, mine is to another level, buh i try to hide it as much as I can buh it still cripples me. speaking to as little as just four persons is a herculean task, my heart starts pounding so badly , I experience hot flashes, instant excruciating head aches...the physiological response are just endless. To be honest I haven't really done much about it but I intend to practice with this points of urs. Thanks

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    1. Hey dear! If you still want to go for the conference you should send an email to beautifiednetwork@gmail.com an alternative payment option will be sent to you. If you have so much issues with being shy you should work on it o. I know it's not going to be easy but you will get better with time. Let me know if you need help doing this dear.

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  6. Hi Dotun, really empowering post. Like this made me reflect on how I used to be and how I am now, such a difference.This thing called "shyness" is really of the devil just like a cage or sumtin... and we can't let it have a place in us. Looking forward to see u at Becoming 2.0 dear. Cheers

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    1. Hi Zee. Thanks a lot. I agree with you it's a cage. Looking forward to seeing you too dear.

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